At dinner with friends recently, I met this dude.
He was a friend of a friend.
And he was hella awkward.
I remember introducing myself, trying to speak with him, and noticed something right away:
HE NEVER ONCE LOOKED ME IN THE EYE.
His eyes NEVER made direct contact with mine. He'd answers questions such as "What was your name?" like:
"Oh my name is Fakey McFake name :::shakes my hand with eyes looking at table:::"
Now call him shy or nervous or whatever.
But I noticed this quirk immediately, and thought it was weird as hell, and it totally creeped me out.
Now how many other people have felt the same way about his non-locking-eyes?
I imagine a lot. And I think the most interesting thing of all is that NO ONE TELLS HIM ABOUT THIS!!
How often has this issue prevented this guy from making a connection, but he has NO IDEA why the interaction went wrong?
Imagine if you were talking to someone, and you had a big-ass piece of spinach in your teeth, and they don't tell you. You'll almost get mad at them for NOT telling you and letting you walk around with gross spinach-teeth!
So how come we never tell people about their quirks?
Well lots of reasons. It's awkward, it's inappropriate, it might embarrass them if said in a group. Whatever.
But it almost seems like we SHOULD tell people these things they don't know about themselves, so they have the chance to improve.
Because we get to SEE WITH OUR EYES people interacting with others.....and the person we're watching can't physically SEE WITH THEIR OWN EYES what they're doing....it's like having a superpower to spot what they're doing wrong.
Personally if there's a friend, or someone I care enough about to have the awkward conversation calling them out on a quirk, I'll do it. And I've found the most comfortable way to say it (for both sides) is:
"Hey......I have a piece of feedback for you. Would you like to hear it?"
If I don't start the conversation off like that, it usually sounds very confrontational or accusatory....which is no way to get someone to listen to you.
Trying using that line on someone this week and see how it goes. But definitely don't go around commenting on weird physical quirks that people can't control like a giant nose!
So try it out this week:
"Hey......I have a piece of feedback for you. Would you like to hear it?"
It might just nudge someone's life in a better direction :)
I got this email today. Fantastic. Go check this guy out.
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